


A Place That You’d Rather Be

by Ladybrain86



Series: It Runs Even Deeper [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Blowjobs, Canon Age Difference, Canon Divergence - Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Character Study, Character duality, Cunnilingus, Descriptive Sex, Drama & Romance, F/M, First Time, Force Bond, Hand Jobs, Handholding, Hints of Emperor Palpatine, Jedi Training, Kissing, Kylo Ren | Ben Solo is not a virgin, Loss of Virginity, Lots of dialogue, Not gentle but not rough either, Outdoor Sex, Personality Disorder, Porn with Feelings, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo meeting secretly on some random planet trope, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Songfic, Space Opera, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Rey, but with porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2020-12-16 17:27:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladybrain86/pseuds/Ladybrain86
Summary: As they planned, Rey and Kylo Ren meet on Chandrila.This is a direct sequel to The Deeper the Wound, I’m Inside You.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again, Reylos! Still depressed, still writing. This is a direct sequel to The Deeper the Wound, I’m Inside You. I lied about this second part of the “series” being a one shot. The story kept growing and, well, here it is.
> 
> I will update the tags and the rating as needed. As I mentioned before I do plan on this fic eventually being explicit. I will also update the chapters as time and inspiration allow.
> 
> I don’t own Star Wars or NIN lyrics. I’m borrowing them to get these damn scenarios out of my head.
> 
> Fanfic writing is really helping distract me from real life crap and I truly appreciate this outlet. Thank you again for reading. <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey asks Leia an important question, does some research and gets those coordinates from Kylo Ren.

—

_Blank stare, disrepair  
There’s a big black hole gonna eat me up someday  
Someday fades away  
Like a memory - or a place that you’d rather be_

_If you were real  
I could take what’s apart and put it back together_

—

After Rey kissed Kylo Ren five days ago, she became relentlessly distracted. The Rebels had only been at their base on Dantooine for three days and she had already started (and left unfinished) seven separate projects. He had stubbornly affixed himself in her mind. When she thought of him, her stomach flipped but it happened so damned often that she felt unproductive. She was losing sleep at night thinking about him.

She clearly cared about the man, even more so now that they openly shared a mutual attraction. She knew a lot about him. She had seen inside his mind on more than one occasion. However, she still felt like she knew so little. She was struck with a particular curiosity of what motivated him to make his choices. 

Master Luke had told her precious little about his nephew’s past and she craved more knowledge. She considered consulting Leia again about her son, but she didn’t want to pry further into a potentially hurtful subject. She dared not ask further about Luke, that was also too fresh a wound. The young woman didn’t want to hide from her leader either. So she compromised with herself and asked Leia about her parents.

Rey found the Rebel general in the common area of their reclaimed base. Leia could tell immediately that the young woman had more questions for her and beckoned her to come sit beside her.

“What troubles you, Rey?” The princess asked warmly. “You’ve got something on your mind. It’s plain on your face. Talk to me.”

“I found out about my parents recently. I feel like I always knew who they were, but B-“ she caught herself and continued. “Kylo Ren confirmed it for me. They were nobodies who abandoned me. While this weighs heavily on my heart, I think it’s important to know where you came from. I wondered...if I could ask about your parents, general?”

Leia breathed in and closed her eyes. When she opened them she met Rey’s gaze, wide-eyed and innocent but also burning with wonder.

“I was adopted by Alderaanian royalty as a baby. For a time, I did not know who my birth parents were. I loved my adoptive parents very much and I could never thank them enough for making me a part of their family. Once I found out about my true parentage, I accrued quite a collection of literature on them. I, like you, was curious. I don’t know if this will help you understand Ben any better...but...” Leia sighed, closed her eyes again and continued. “Their names were Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker.”

The general smiled sadly and handed Rey a datapad. She took it hesitantly, almost feeling as if she was invading on something secret or private. She reminded herself that was foolish. Anyone could seek out this information if they wanted to. She did feel guilty however since the princess did pick up on the fact that she was trying to learn more about Kylo Ren. She was preparing to apologize, but the older woman was already leaving the room and headed towards her quarters. Leia left her with the datapad and her burning desire to know more.

Rey started first with an article on Padme. In under an hour, she was in tears. Reading about the one time queen had of course led to reading of her Jedi turned Sith husband. Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One who turned to the dark side and became the infamous Sith Lord Darth Vader. The abject tragedy of their story caught Rey off guard. It felt eerily familiar, almost as if history were somehow repeating itself.

She regained her composure and wiped her tears. She couldn’t help but see the similarities between Darth Vader and Kylo Ren. However, she held onto hope because they were quite different too. She knew little of the Sith and their credo, but she did not think Kylo was Sith. She catalogued that as a question she would ask him in person. It was just one on an ever growing list that she had for him.

Rey took the datapad back to her quarters. She was getting ready to place it on her bed. It wasn’t much of a bed, more of a glorified cot really. As she was pondering the quality of her sleeping space, she felt what she initially thought was an air pressure change. There was a deep whooshing sound, like the single beat of a gigantic heart, then she felt Kylo Ren’s presence in the room. She dropped the datapad and turned around so swiftly she momentarily lost her bearings.

She noticed first the considerable width of his shoulders. He was wearing his tunic today. His back was facing her and his gloved hands were joined behind him. His legs were slightly apart, about the same width as his shoulders. His head was bowed slightly and obscured by the shadows in the corner of her quarters where he had appeared. His posture stern and poised, she wondered immediately where he was and what he was up to.

She knew he was aware of her, she felt that from the bond. But he wasn’t saying anything. _Was he angry?_ Rey wondered. She had kept her end of the bond open like he asked. A lump swelled in her throat and she couldn’t help herself, she needed him so badly right then.

She covered the short space between them in a few eager strides. He separated his hands and moved them to a neutral position at his sides. It was as if he knew what she was going to do, because he didn’t flinch or startle when she wrapped her arms around him from behind. Her hands came to rest on the surprisingly plush fabric of his tunic, over his chest. She gently rested her cheek on his back just under his neck.

Rey wasn’t a short woman by any means, but she was reminded of his impressive height when she did this. He was a sizable man, but he felt like he fit perfectly into all her empty spaces.

Kylo lifted his right hand to cover her left one, which was placed over his heart. He squeezed her hand lightly, but then splayed his fingers over hers, dwarfing her hand in his. He chuckled then, the sound deep and resonating. It was muffled with static and a little flat. Almost as if he was wearing his mask.

She looked up and instead of seeing shining black hair she saw the shining black of Kylo’s combat helmet. _He must have recovered it somehow_, she thought. She was awash in disappointment that he felt the need to don it again. She tried to pull away but he pressed down onto her hand to keep her in place.

“Stay there. I’ll explain.” He tilted his head slightly over his shoulder when he finally addressed her.

“Where are you?”

“I’m at a rally. Hux was pontificating to the Stormtroopers and our allied armies. Right as you put your arms around me, he started blathering about the heart of the First Order. When I raised my hand to hold yours over my heart, the crowd went crazy.” He chuckled again. “If only you could see Hux’s face right now.”

It was telling how Kylo wasn’t taking the political rally seriously. Rey was quietly satisfied with his insincerity in his role as Supreme Leader. She mentally scolded herself for losing hope over the simple fact that a warrior wore his helmet to a rally.

“Can he hear you?” She asked.

“Stars, no.” He said as he released her hand and put his arm back in a neutral position. “He’s over ten meters away and it is noisy here with his incessant prattling and all the ensuing cheers.”

“Can you hear me over all of that?” She said dropping her arms to her sides as well.

“I hear you in my head, sweetheart.” He said, quietly. The voice modulator gave his voice an almost monotone quality. Still, the words made her flush with excitement. She walked around to stand in front of him about an arms length away. 

She looked up at his mask and noticed right away it was different than it was before. All of the cracked and fractured shards were reassembled with a red adhesive. The angry looking crimson lines were haphazard and jagged. It made him look fearsome and even more intimidating than before, but it represented him well. A man struggling to put all the broken pieces of himself back together.

He joined his hands behind his back again and lowered his head an inch, presumably to meet her eyes. She kept her gaze on the black visor within the silver inlay of the mask, knowing his warm brown eyes were behind it. The endearment had caught her off guard and she was still quite speechless. Kylo took this opportunity to speak again.

“I have coordinates for you.”

She ignored the statement at first when she finally found her voice.

“How did you get that back?” She tilted her chin up, indicating his refurbished helmet. He cocked his head dismissively to the left and tisked.

“Some sycophant recovered it before she evacuated the _Supremacy_. I had it repaired. It’s a means to an end.” He said noncommittally.

“I hate it.” She said quietly, looking down at her feet.

“I know.”

She was frustrated. She couldn’t see his face with that dreadful thing on and she could barely touch him, considering he was actually busy. When she remembered the original purpose of their meeting, she huffed and grabbed the datapad from her cot.

“I’m ready for the coordinates. I know how to get to Chandrila, but I’ll be lost without more specifics.”

He gave the coordinates to her and she typed them into a new encrypted file. She would delete it from the communal datapad once she was able to memorize them.

“Have you found a new base?” He queried.

“We have.” She dare not say more. Both of them held their locations close to the chest for obvious reasons. When she was in his presence though, these factors of hidden locations and being on opposing sides mattered little to her. She eagerly anticipated the moment that she would be with him, really with him, again.

“Two days, then. I’ll meet you at those exact coordinates.” He said as he began to reach his hand out to hers.

Before he could touch her, he was gone.

—


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey says goodbye to her friends at the Resistance to embark on her journey to Chandrila.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,
> 
> I don’t know about you guys but I can’t wait for the trailer tomorrow. Dear Disney, please feed this thirsty Reylo.
> 
> I still don’t own Star Wars or NIN lyrics. I hope you all are enjoying where this story is going. As always, thanks for reading. <3

_This will come true  
Help me get through  
Into you  
Deep_

—

The following day, Rey approached Leia and notified her that she desired to search for a kyber crystal in order to make her own lightsaber. This was only half a lie, however at the moment she was using it as an excuse to leave from their newly acquired base on her own. Leia acquiesced to the young woman and suggested she take the best looking U-wing from the hangar and a droid.

Rey wanted to remain discreet and balked at the thought of bringing a droid with her on her secret rendezvous. However, she would be safer with one accompanying her, so she was torn. As if on cue R2-D2 rolled casually into the room and sidled up to Leia. He beeped and whirred jovially. The older woman smiled down at the old astromech and then turned her gaze back to Rey.

“I think you have a volunteer.” Leia’s smile was contagious. Rey couldn’t help but smile herself as she placed a hand on the droid’s dome. She knelt down to his level and looked at him.

“You want to come with me?” Rey asked the blue and white droid. He rotated his dome about twenty degrees and buzzed at her.

“He’ll keep you safe.” Leia almost whispered, clearly speaking from experience.

“I understand he was close with Luke.”

“Yes, he and my brother held each other very dear. But he was my mother and father’s droid before Luke’s. He’s...a bit of a family heirloom at this point.” Leia chuckled.

—

Rey packed a small bag with basic essentials and loaded it into the U-wing along with her staff. There in the hangar, she witnessed a brief conversation between droids. BB-8 had followed R2-D2 into the hangar out of curiosity.

“_We’re going on a mission to get her a kyber crystal_.” Artoo chirped proudly.

“_Oh, I want to go! Why didn’t she want to take me?_” The smaller droid beeped in response. Artoo was silent for a beat, possibly a little offended, Rey thought.

“_Because you’re not hers. You’re Commander Dameron’s. What if he needs you while she is gone?_” Artoo buzzed indignantly.

“_I suppose you’re right_.” The smaller droid wilted and whistled mournfully. “_But don’t you belong to the General? What if she needs you?_”

“_C-3PO watches over her obsessively. I care for her deeply but she has no need of me. He’s more than enough company for her. Plus, I love a good adventure. I’ve been in low power mode for a long time. It’s time to explore the galaxy again_.” And with that, the older droid turned and wheeled himself up the ramp of the U-wing.

With that, BB-8 chirped and rolled around Rey a few times, all but whining about how he’d miss her. She got down on one knee and flicked his antenna.

“I’ll be back before you know it, little one.”

The little orange and white droid beeped happily. He made his way out of the hangar as Finn, Rose, General Organa and Chewbacca entered. The former Stormtrooper was holding tightly onto Rose’s hand.

“Thought you could just take off without telling us, huh?” Finn teased.

“I was going to come and tell you, honest!” Rey giggled at her friends. Rose let go of Finn’s hand and hugged Rey.

“Be safe, won’t you? I’ll worry the whole time you’re gone if you don’t promise me.” Rose implored. Rey released her and gave her a smile and a pat on her shoulder.

“I promise I will. It will be a fun adventure. I may not find anything, only clues. But we’ll see. I won’t be gone long. I’ll come back to check in and regroup if I need to. But I’ll miss you, Rose.” She said as she looked to Finn and the rest of the group. “I’ll miss you all.”

It was Finn’s turn to hug her next.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, ok?” He said, grinning. She patted his back and pulled away to hold him at arms length.

“No promises.” She winked at him and he rolled his eyes. Chewie grumbled something Rey didn’t understand in Shyriiwook and then ruffled her hair with a huge paw. She knew the language fairly well, but Leia had to translate for her this time.

“He says you remind him of his son.” Leia smiled.

“You have a son?!” Rey almost shouted, astonished.

“_I have a wife also._” Chewie replied.

“You and I are going to have to do some serious catching up when I get back Mr. Family Man.” Rey smiled up at him.

“_Why aren’t you taking the_ Falcon?” The Wookie inquired.

“I...” She paused, searching for the right words. “I have to make this journey on my own. I hope to go on lots of missions with you on the _Falcon_ in the future, Chewie.”

Leia approached Rey last and pulled her into a deep embrace. The younger woman was overtaken with emotion and a lump formed in her throat. She hated lying by omission to someone who she looked up to and cared for, but this was the only way. She had to get to Kylo Ren, and not just for selfish reasons. Perhaps the more love and Light he was exposed to, he might be more likely to find and accept Ben Solo within.

When both women pulled apart, Leia lifted a hand to cup Rey’s cheek.

“I’m so proud of you, Rey. Luke would be, too. You have given us all immeasurable hope. Be safe. Be brave.” She kissed Rey’s forehead and added “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

The princess said the last part with a knowing twinkle in her eye. Rey held back a gasp. _Does she know I’m going to him? She can’t possibly..._ She did her best to keep a straight face and regain her composure.

“Thank you, General. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Rey smiled as tears began to form in her eyes. She had to leave before she had any second thoughts or doubts. She cared for these people and the Resistance, but she had her own mission to complete before she could truly help them.

Rey waved one last goodbye to the closest thing she’d ever had to a family. As she entered the coordinates into the ship’s computer she turned back to speak to her new companion.

“I hope you know how to fly this thing.” She quipped.

“_I’m sure I can manage to figure it out._” He sniped back.

“That’s comforting.” Rey said under her breath. She started the liftoff sequence and added, “I hope you can keep a secret, Artoo.”

“_Oh, dear._” The droid squeaked.

“We’re not looking for a kyber crystal. At least...not yet.” Rey almost whispered.

“_What’s our destination?_” Artoo inquired.

“Chandrila. I’m to meet with Kylo Ren.”

If droids could laugh, that’s what Rey supposed Artoo was doing as a response.

—

They came out of hyperspace, the ancient U-wing shaking disconcertingly as Chandrila came into view. It was a medium sized planet of azure and verdant hues. Rey never got over seeing so much blue and green. For so long, she had only been exposed to the yellows and tans of desert sand. It was easy to forget that the galaxy was so full of beautiful and different worlds.

“_How do I always get myself in these situations?_” Artoo broke the silence, sarcastically.

“That’s enough out of you, now.” Rey chided. “Can you land this thing at these coordinates?”

“_You’re lucky I like you._” Artoo buzzed, his tone teasing but good natured. The astromech went to work helping her start the landing sequence.

The ship shook again when they broke through the atmosphere. Rey felt a warm rush flow through her and realized it was Kylo Ren’s Force signature. Her stomach flipped in a pleasant sort of anticipation. Her cheeks flushed at the memory his surprisingly soft lips on hers. 

As they neared the planet’s surface, rolling hills and shining lakes came into view. Rey was certain there were urban and well populated areas on this planet, but large swaths of land were clearly untouched and uninhabited. The coordinates were leading her to such a place, close to the shore of an immense lake. It could have been a sea for all she knew, for it was miles across in each direction.

She and R2-D2 touched down in a clearing within a small wooded area. Kylo’s Force signature burned brighter than before. He was close. Her body responded as a thin sheen of perspiration broke out on her forehead. After their successful landing, Rey gathered her bag and her staff and left the ship.

The grass beneath her feet was springy and soft. The temperature outside was warm and the air was clear. The subtle breeze coming off the lake carried a crisp scent she didn’t recognize. She turned her gaze towards the lake, which she spied through the trees. She had never seen so much water in one place before. It was breathtaking.

Rey left the clearing, weaving through the foliage and trees, and headed towards the shoreline. The green grass gave way to the familiar feel of sand underneath her feet. However, this sand was different than what she was used to. It was coarser and lighter in color than the desert sands of Jakku. The wind picked up as she got closer to the lake and the sound of the waves lapping on the beach grew louder.

It was midday and the lake was a lush aquamarine color. A blend of blue and green so rich and vibrant, she couldn’t believe it was real. Large, fluffy white clouds floated by slowly above her. She was so taken with the calm and the splendor that she dropped her bag and staff and sat in the sand. A few strands of hair had come loose from her buns and she tucked them behind her ear. She took a moment to appreciate her surroundings and take it all in. She felt the Force all around her and she shut her eyes hoping to seek a deeper connection.

Suddenly she felt a flare in the Force, Kylo’s signature closer than ever now, and she ceased her brief meditation. She opened her eyes, looked to her right and finally saw him standing in the white sands about thirty paces away.

_Stars, he’s really there._

He stood, straight and stock still but for his black cape billowing in the wind, staring out at the lake. He knew she was there, but made no sudden moves toward her. He averted his gaze from the water and towards her. When their eyes met, she stood slowly.

For seconds that seemed like hours, they just observed one another. Kylo broke the trance first by taking a few steps toward her. At this, Rey broke into a flat out run. They met somewhere in the middle when she threw her arms around his neck. He held her tenderly and buried his face into her hair. They rocked each other gently in a tight embrace.

Kylo pulled away slightly just far enough to look into her eyes.

“You’re here.” He said, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to hers.

“I’m here.” Rey whispered back.

—


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew she’d be bold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, Reylos,
> 
> Well, as promised, this fic is now explicit. You’re welcome. I hear wet Kylo Ren is in right now so that’s what you’re getting.
> 
> I was in Toronto recently and the drive up there was very scenic. The city and lake in the fic are inspired by our view of Toronto from the southern side of Lake Ontario. I have no idea if Chandrila has lakes as big as the Great Lakes, but for the sake of this fic it does now.
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos so far, I hope you enjoy this installment. <3

—

_ One track, got you on your back  
Your skin speaks up but your lips couldn’t say it  
Right now, I know somehow  
We could take the chance and we could make it_

—

_She came. She’s here. She came._ Kylo repeated to himself like a mantra. Rey was in his arms, really there, and he was the happiest he’d been in his entire life. Her hair tickled his nose when he pulled her in for another embrace. She leaned into it and let out a sigh of contentment.

She pulled away slightly after a moment and stood up on her tip toes to kiss him. He slid a hand up her shoulder and neck to cup her jaw as he kissed her back. He lowered his other hand down to the small of her back and leaned in to deepen the kiss. Her heels hit the sand when she parted her lips to let him in.

This was much like their kiss when they met through the bond a week ago. His tongue pressed gently past her lips and she did the same. They tangled for a moment and she tried to suppress a whimper. She was self conscious of her inexperience but hoped that she made up for it with enthusiasm. He didn’t seem to mind. 

There was no shared vision this time, but neither wanted to rush into anything. This intention hummed through their bond and they both pulled away. However, Kylo’s grip tightened around her waist possessively.

“Ben...” Rey’s voice was soft and pitched high. Her stomach was fluttering and she was still regaining her composure after their first in-person kiss. He gave her a moment and just listened quietly until she could speak again.

“How long do we have?” She asked, her eyes large and wanting. He scowled at the question. His eyebrows drew together and he frowned. He didn’t want to think about it, but she deserved to know.

“60 standard hours, give or take a few.” He replied. He wished he could say instead, _The rest of our lives, sweetheart._

“Right.” She tried not to sound disappointed, but did not hide it well. “I know you would stay longer if you could.”

“Of course I would.” He replied, cupping her cheek with a gloved hand. “But my absence will be suspicious as it is. I intend to make the most of our time together, Rey.”

There was a mechanical buzz and squeal behind them. Artoo emerged from the tree line, his wheels slowing down in the sand. Rey was mortified, she had completely forgotten about the astromech. She pulled away from Kylo to gauge his reaction to her robotic companion, hoping it would not be an angry one. She didn’t expect to see him smirk at the sight of the old droid, but that’s what he did.

“Did I neglect to tell you to come alone?” Kylo’s tone was low, but teasing.

“Your mother insisted I take him! And he was quite helpful flying the bucket of bolts I took to get here.” Rey replied.

“My mother...” he chuckled, dryly. He licked his lips and shook his head. Kylo approached R2-D2 to address him.

“If you breath a word of this to anyone, Artoo, I swear I will scrap you for parts.” Kylo pointed his finger at the droid. “Not that they’d be worth anything.”

“_It’s nice to see you, too, Ben._” Artoo beeped back.

Kylo huffed at the name and turned back to Rey. She was trying very hard not to laugh at the exchange she just witnessed. He rolled his eyes at her.

“Gather your things. Come with me.”

—

Rey followed Kylo less than half a klick eastbound on the beach. Artoo followed but at a distance. The silent observer knew, after decades of following Skywalkers around, when to keep a wide berth.

On their walk, Rey finally noticed the shapes of something on a small part of the horizon line. They were rectangular and conical, but were almost faded into the clear, blue sky. They looked like structures of some kind, but were clearly a great distance away. Kylo saw her looking to the horizon and explained what she was looking at.

“Skyscrapers. Huge, tall buildings. Usually in a highly desirable area, for reasons of politics, wealth or trade. They are indicative of high population. You’re looking at a city.” He wasn’t sure she needed such a specific description, but he gave it anyway. He knew she lived much of her life on Jakku but wasn’t sure if she’d ever been in a city before.

“How far away is it?” She inquired.

“Hmm.” He contemplated for a second. “About 65 klicks.”

“Aren’t you concerned we could be found so close to a major city?”

“I’m taking a calculated risk.” He turned and gave her a small, lopsided grin. Then he reached out, motioning towards her bag. 

“May I?”

It wasn’t particularly heavy, but she appreciated the gesture and handed it to him. He carried it the rest of the way. 

“The lake must be enormous, if the city is that far away.” Rey observed.

“85 klicks at its widest point, 300 at its longest.” Kylo informed her.

“How do you know so much about it?” Her curiosity had gotten the best of her once again. He slowed to a stop and turned back to face her. His expression was almost shy.

“Chandrila is my home planet. This is where I was born.” He said as he turned away again and started heading towards the tree line.

She was astonished at his admission for a few reasons. Firstly, that he would openly provide such a detail about his personal life. Secondly, because of the way he had addressed himself. Kylo Ren was born at Luke Skywalker’s fallen Jedi temple. But Ben Solo was born on Chandrila.

Rey followed him into the trees, wondering when they would reach their destination. She didn’t have to wonder for long as they came upon a cozy bungalow nestled in a small clearing. It was an old style building made of wood, brick and mortar. It did not look as if it was visited often, but it was well kept. He opened the door and beckoned her inside. 

The layout within was small but comfortable. A tiny kitchen area was on their left and a living area with chairs and a table on the right. Straight ahead was a short hallway leading to two bedrooms and a fresher.

He handed her bag back to her and motioned towards the hallway. She immediately went for the smaller room, with a small bed to match, but she saw that a bag was already in there. She deduced that he had claimed the smaller room for himself.

“Oh...” She whispered, trying not to make the situation awkward. She blushed slightly and went into the adjacent room, which was larger with a bigger bed. She understood why Kylo had given her the larger room, it was the same reason he carried her bag for her. He was being polite and hospitable.

_You are my guest._ She remembered him saying to her not too long ago, under drastically different circumstances. She recalled the loathing she felt, the bile that rose in her throat just looking at him in his terrible mask.

How things had changed, after she learned more about him and heard his story. She did not plan on forgetting the terror he had wrought to many, including herself. But she refused to give up on him. His road to redemption, if that is what he chose, would be long and fraught with obstacles. But she would help him on that path, if he asked it of her, because she cared about him.

She wiped a tear that had formed in the corner of her eye and composed herself. She shouldn’t be dwelling on the long road ahead, she should be enjoying her brief time with him now. It was a gift she must cherish. She placed her bag on the floor and her staff in the corner of the room.

Kylo had wandered into the living area where Artoo now resided as well. She noticed right away that Kylo had discarded his cape and cowl. He turned to her when she entered the room.

“The droid can stay during the day. But at night he should return to your ship.” He said.

“_Oh I don’t intend on staying. I just wanted to see where you two would be. I’ll keep a lookout and come tell you if anyone comes near._”

“Whatever you think is best. Thank you, Artoo.” Rey nodded at the droid.

“_Besides, if he’s anything like his parents, I know what you’ll both be up to in here._“ The astromech buzzed lewdly. Kylo was aghast and Rey finally outright laughed at them.

“Artoo, I will slice you in half with my saber right now.” Kylo growled.

“_And that’s my cue._” Artoo blipped and left the bungalow, leaving the door open behind him.

“I never liked that oversized tin can. Mouthy little shit.” Kylo grumbled, half-heartedly. His aggravation with the astromech faded quickly, though. The sound of the waves lapping at the beach could be heard through the open door. The rhythmic sound beckoned him to return outside.

“I think I’ll go for a swim.” Kylo said nonchalantly. “Care to join me?”

That was a statement and question Rey was not at all expecting. Kylo Ren’s free time was spent going swimming? She grinned as an immediate reaction but then had to share something pretty essential about herself.

“I...don’t really know how.” She blushed at the admission. “When I explored the cave at Ahch-To, I fell into the water but I didn’t really swim.”

“I can teach you...if you want.”

She did want, and not just to learn how to swim.

“Okay.” She smiled at him. “Let’s go, then.”

—

The hour had grown later and the air warmer. It was mid-afternoon now, and if Chandrila was anything like Jakku, this meant it would be the hottest part of the day. It wasn’t uncomfortably hot out, but warm enough that cool water on Rey’s skin would be a welcome feeling.

“It’s summer here.” Kylo mentioned. “The water temperature shouldn’t be too cold.”

He started removing his gloves and she felt like she should turn away. Immediately she realized how ridiculous this thought was. It was just the two of them, what did they have to hide?

He continued to disrobe, tossing his tunic and long sleeved undershirt carelessly to the sand. Lastly he removed his boots. He opted to keep his trousers on, which she initially thought was curious. As she noticed that they were not quite as thick and bulky as she had always assumed they were, she considered that they wouldn’t encumber any underwater movement.

The naked skin of his chest and back were ivory pale in the glaring sunlight. She worried briefly that his skin might burn if out in the sun too long. As her eyes traveled the planes of his impressive torso and arms, that worry turned to lustful distraction.

Rey felt her cheeks flush as she began to remove her own tunic and wraps. Her boots and leggings went next, into a neat pile. She knew that sand would get everywhere, but instinctually knew how to minimize its affect on her clothes and belongings. She stood before him, unashamed, in just her breast wraps, arm wraps and underclothes. He narrowed his eyes at her and tilted his head towards the water.

Rey approached the shoreline ten paces or so behind Kylo. Once his feet touched the water, he gained a burst of speed and dove underneath an oncoming wave. He looked to be a natural at this and she was self conscious of her inexperience once again. She waded up to her thighs into the lake. She wasn’t afraid to proceed but she was cautious. The waves weren’t all as large as the one he had splashed into, but they weren’t exactly ripples either.

He swam further out into the lake twenty meters away from her. It wasn’t so deep that he couldn’t still touch the bottom, but the water was most of the way up his chest. She surmised that her feet would most definitely not be able to touch the lake bottom were she to venture out to him.

“The water gets calmer as you get further out. You just have to break through the waves.” Kylo encouraged, lifting a well muscled arm to wave her on.

Rey waited for a lull in the ebb and flow of the water and then did her best to jog further in before a wave could break on her. She was able to jump a wave before it crested. The fleeting feeling of weightlessness thrilled her. But being nearer to the tall, dark haired man standing in the lake thrilled her even more.

Soon her toes were no longer able to feel the cool sand of the lake bed. She instinctively began to paddle her arms and legs in order to stay afloat. Fortunately, she no longer had to battle the waves. She had gotten further out where the water was quite calm.

“I barely had to show you how. You really can do anything you put your mind to.” He said with a tone of genuine admiration. She finally found a graceful rhythm with her limbs that required minimal effort to keep her head above water. Once she found this balance, she swam towards him slowly. 

His hair was even longer when it was wet. Thick, damp locks of it covered his forehead, ears and the back of his neck. She reached up and wiped some of it back so she could better see his eyes. He flushed and breathed out hard at the contact.

“Are you able to do this often? Swim like this?” She asked.

“I can’t say I’ve had the luxury to, no. At least not for recreation or pleasure. Not in at least fifteen standard years. Kriff, maybe more.”

Fifteen years. This floored the young Jedi. That was most of her life. She is again reminded how little she knows about her counterpart in the Force.

“How old are you?” The words left her lips before she could filter them. His responding chuckle vibrated low in his throat as he looked to the sky. He was amused, not offended, she was happy to note. 

“I was wondering when you would end up asking me.” He paused, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Thirty, next month.”

She gaped momentarily, but then hid her expression by lowering herself below the water up to her nose. He was her senior by an entire decade. She always knew he was older than her, but she was honestly floored that it was by a full ten years. She had figured he was five, six, maybe seven years older than her at the most. 

She shook off the realization as insignificant. Their difference in age wasn’t going to change anything between them. She was a teenager still, but not for much longer, and her desire for him was anything but girlish and innocent. In fact, as the notion settled in, their age difference gave a spark of intrigue to their relationship. It only added to the forbidden aspect of their growing feelings for one another. He was significantly older than her, so she shouldn’t want him. But she did. She was still blooming into full adulthood and he shouldn’t want her. But he did.

Their eyes met, brown on hazel, and he closed the space between them. He anchored his feet into the soft sand as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his middle. His hands met together at her lower back, pulling her closer still. The water made her almost weightless in his arms and it was easy to hold her like this. Her breath shook as her pelvis met his lower abdomen. The water was cool around them but he was warm against her. His breath caressed her cheek when he spoke.

“I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

“Ben...” Rey attempted to cut him off.

“I am not a good man.” Kylo kept his eyes on hers, his expression tortured and conflicted. She lifted her hand to hold his scarred cheek, to keep him from looking away in shame.

“But I believe that one day you can be.” She whispered against his lips. He let out a deep breath and kissed her, hard.

Neither were coy in approaching this kiss. It was wet and messy and perfect. As their tongues fought for dominance, she gained confidence in her abilities. Her ministrations elicited deep and throaty moans from her otherwise reserved counterpart. He lifted his left hand up to slide against her back, his fingers skidding against her breast band. He pressed her further into him until her chest met his. He pulled back from the kiss, biting gently on her lower lip as he did so. 

Kylo kissed and nipped a line down her throat. The hand that was on her back had now travelled to her belly and was wandering cautiously up underneath her right breast. His head lowered further until he was sucking open mouthed kisses on the top of her left breast, leaving red marks on the skin just above the band. Her nipples were pebbled and hard from the chilly water and the stimulation. The meager cloth of the band covering them left little to the imagination. Her every nerve ending craved his rough touch.

“Ben, touch me, please.” She gasped. He obeyed and pulled up her band, releasing the soft skin of her right breast into his hand. He squeezed hard, not enough to hurt but enough to make her really feel it. He pinched her nipple gently between his fingers and she whimpered. He watched her reaction wantonly. 

When he kissed her lips again, she began to writhe her clothed mound against his abdomen. He groaned at the heat of her center rubbing so suggestively against him. On a lower thrust, her rear end bumped against his erection and she jumped at the feeling. Her expression was worried and surprised at first, but quickly morphed into knowing and lustful. She reached down between them to grasp it firmly in her hand. He sucked in air between his teeth, a pleasurable hiss.

Kylo allowed Rey to stroke him through his pants for mere seconds before he regained control of the situation. He grasped her arm and lifted it back up around his shoulder. He slid his left hand from her breast, down her flat stomach to finally toy with the hem of her underclothes. They weren’t kissing anymore. His face was inches from hers and his stare was intense. He bit his lips in a silent plea. She nodded and his fingers slipped underneath the thin cloth.

First he covered her naked sex with his hand and pulled up to gauge her reaction. She cried out, a sweet little sound against his lips. She pulsed her hips down, to grind against his touch. He took this as encouragement and parted her folds with his fore and middle fingers. He pressed up onto her clit experimentally and it was her turn to hiss. He rubbed there in slow circles, switching up his rhythm now and again. His hand was calloused and his touch still rough, but she was thriving on it. She writhed against him and moaned, the pleasure and pressure in her lower belly building. Her favorable response emboldened him and he moved those two fingers lower still to tease at her entrance. His breath was raspy and his lips parted against hers.

“Rey...” He pleaded.

“Yes, Ben, yes.” She whispered and he pushed his fingers in. The stretch was uncomfortable at first and the water heightened all of the sensations she felt down there. He pulled his fingers out slowly and thrust back in, deeper and harder this time. She whimpered as he stretched her impossibly further.

She had pleasured herself before but never shared this with another person. His fingers were so much thicker and longer than hers. They delved deeper inside than she had ever reached. He continued his ministrations and eventually pressed his thumb to her swollen clit. At this, she began thrusting her hips again.

He lowered his mouth to her exposed breast and sucked her small nipple in between his lips. He nipped gently with his teeth and she sucked in a breath. He kissed up her neck, her jaw and her cheek before he finally found her lips again. He needed her mouth on his like he needed air in his lungs. He could not get enough of her.

The pleasure built steadily higher within her, cresting quickly to the point of no return. She pulled back from the kiss to throw back her head and moan. Her orgasm pulsed through her core in waves that dwarfed the ones gently lapping at the shore. He fingered her through the aftershocks until she went limp against him. He removed his hand from her underclothes and wrapped his arm around her shoulders to hold her close to him.

She hummed softly against his throat and twirled the hair on the back of his neck in her fingers. He simply kept holding onto her, basking in the moment. His cock still stood hard and strong under the surface of the water, beneath the soft cloth of his pants. Rey had not forgotten about it.

She let her legs go from around his waist and paddled them gently to stay afloat. She snaked her left arm up his neck, where her hand found purchase in his hair. Her right hand pressed gently over his heart. His breathing was slow and steady still and she cursed him for his composure. She wanted to see him lose control.

Her hand slipped easily down the wet skin of his well muscled chest and stomach. It ventured even lower and she grasped his cock through his pants again. She pulled his head down to kiss him at the same time that she snuck her hand underneath his waistband. He inhaled sharply at the skin on skin contact and moaned into the sloppy kiss when she started stroking.

He knew she’d be bold. Her touch was novice and inexperienced but she clearly wasn’t shy. She pulled away from the kiss to look into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide, deep and wanting. He had been shamefully close already when she came before and his breathing was coming quicker as he approached the same end. 

When she pulled on his hair, just a little, at the same time she tugged his cock on an upstroke, his orgasm crashed through him. She watched the pleasured reaction on his face in lustful ardor. His full, red lips open wide on a moan. His eyes winced shut and eyebrows drawn together in exquisite concentration. She stroked him through it, trying to ignore the hollow ache between her legs.

When Kylo’s eyes fluttered open, he looked at Rey like she had given him the whole galaxy. She would give him that and more if she could.

—


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun had set completely below the horizon line, and the sky was darkening quickly. Already a myriad of stars shone brightly above them. Only the fire lit them now as their limbs tangled together in an effort to remove each other’s clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,
> 
> Thanks for your patience with this chapter. It took me longer than I would have liked to write it. Heed the new tags, as always, as things are getting more intense.
> 
> There will likely only be one more chapter in this story, but we’ll see how that works out. Once again I don’t own these characters or the song lyrics. I hope you enjoy this self indulgent smutty fic I’ve written. Thanks again for reading, friends. <3

—

_Right here make it all disappear  
Everything that we’ve been missing  
You make me feel  
That there’s a part of me  
That I want to get back again_

—

Rey stepped out of the fresher feeling cleaner than she had in weeks. The shower had running water and Kylo brought soaps with him, which he insisted on sharing with her. They smelled wonderful (they smelled like him). She had relished the opportunity to pamper herself with the resources at her disposal.

The sky outside was beginning to change color as she dressed in a loose, sleeveless shirt and leggings. She towel dried her hair and ran a brush through it quickly. She was curious what Kylo was getting up to outside. He had washed up before her and mentioned that he did eventually plan on feeding her. He was grinning more, she was happy to note. She was determined to get a full fledged smile out of him before they had to part ways in a few days.

All of this still felt very strange to her. The connection between them, the bond that felt as if it had always been there, was the same as ever. But the circumstances were unusual and she felt they were both acting a little impulsive. They were on different sides of a galactic conflict, yet here they were in the wilderness together. A clandestine meeting between soldiers on opposite sides of a war.

But she couldn’t deny anymore than he could, that they were drawn together.  
She couldn’t help but feel herself grow stronger in his presence. Her sensitivity to the Force was heightened with him near. Unspoken power hummed beneath her skin. She had felt that way ever since they first met in the forest on Tokodana.

After their first experience with the bond, part of her felt dull and hollow when she couldn’t feel Kylo’s presence. She gained so much knowledge with Master Luke on Ahch-To and that fulfilled her, truly. But those were just the moments in between. She felt she still had much to learn of the Force and her greatest resource just happened to be someone she was falling in love with.

It was impossible to deny. They were intrinsically connected. She liked to think that they chose this destination for themselves. However she had an inkling that the Force willed it, or at least, led them in this direction.

She stepped outside to a picturesque sunset. Orange, red and purple hues stained the sky as if they had been put their by a painter’s brush. Kylo had built a fire, and above it two large fish were roasting. He had taken a blanket from inside the cottage and placed it neatly onto the sand next to the fire. On the blanket were six round, green fruits, an unlabeled and unopened bottle, and Kylo.

And here she was, falling even deeper in love, because no one had ever done something this wonderful for her. He turned and stood when he sensed her closeness. He was wearing a sleeveless black shirt and grey trousers. Like her, he had opted to go barefoot in the sand. Her stomach rumbled at the smell of the cooking fish and she smiled.

“How did you catch them?” She asked, indicating their future meal.

“I saw them out in the water. I wanted them. So I brought them to me with the Force.”

“That’s cheating, though.” She teased.

“My father took me fishing on this lake a few times. Neither of us were very good at it.” He spoke as if it were just normal to mention the man he killed a few weeks ago. Rey didn’t quite know what to say after that, so she came closer to him and sat down on the blanket. He sat across from her and crossed his legs.

“What are we doing here, Ben?” She asked, when she finally found her voice again.

“I think you know.” He replied, frustratingly astute. The raised skin of his scars were especially noticeable in the flickering orange light of the fire. She recalled again how she gifted him those permanent reminders of her existence.

“You should hate me for what I’ve done to you.” She murmured, just above a whisper.

“I don’t. I don’t think I could if I tried.” He replied, his expression resigned.

“I tried hating you for everything you’ve done. But I can’t.” She tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat.

“I know.” He said and he looked at her with those beautiful, sad eyes of his. His voice may have been low and monotone most of the time but his face revealed everything he was feeling. She knew why he had to wear a mask, because he was terrible at hiding his emotions from his beautifully expressive face. She leaned forward and covered his hand with hers.

“I ask you again, what are we doing here?” She met his gaze as she added, “We can’t stay like this forever.”

He sighed and ran his free hand through his thick, black hair.

“I’m tortured by the thought of leaving you. And I have to, eventually. But I would endure that pain a thousand times over if it meant I got to spend any span of time with you.” As he said this, he twined his fingers with hers. His touch was electric and she remembered gleefully all the things those clever fingers could do to her.

This memory must have slipped through the bond, because his lips parted and his pupils dilated when she recalled their swim in the lake. He cleared his throat and shook it off, standing to retrieve their dinner from the flames.

They ate their fish in silence, watching the sun set further down the horizon. Kylo finished his first and chucked the bones into the fire. He moved on to one of the curious green fruits he had gathered earlier. He ate one in three large bites, and some of the juice dribbled down his chin. Rey saw this and wanted desperately to lick it off.

“What are those?” She asked of the fruit.

“Chandrilan wild apples. I picked them before you landed.” He replied, wiping the juice from his chin. He handed one to her and she took it. She tossed her fish bones in the sand and took a bite from the small, hard fruit. It was tart, but juicy and just slightly sweet. She finished it happily and reached for another. He gave her a lopsided grin and she was struck with how much he looked like Han Solo.

Kylo reached for the bottle next and pulled the cork out with his teeth. He offered it to her first and she took it, abandoning her second apple for the time being. She sniffed the opening of the bottle and winced at the strength of it. It was a sweet but strong alcohol, that much she could tell.

“And this?” She asked, tilting the bottle to get a look at the color of the liquid within.

“Lothalian currant wine. It’s a misnomer, really, since it’s more of a liquor than a wine. Try some.” He nudged her with his shoulder.

Rey was no stranger to alcohol or even to drinking to inebriation. However, on Jakku, alcohol had been a bit of a delicacy. A not often acquired treat. She could rarely afford anything superfluous to just basic survival, so she knew her alcohol tolerance would be woefully low. Regardless, she tipped the bottle up and took a swig.

The deep purple liquid went down easily, but with a delicious after-burn. It was sweeter than the apple had been, but not overly so. She handed the bottle back to him and he took a swallow of the liquor himself. He let out a satisfied sigh and took another gulp before passing the bottle back. She smiled as she put the lip of the bottle to her mouth.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, Solo?” Rey giggled.

Kylo’s responding chuckle was deep and dark. At first she thought he was going to say something sarcastic or bitingly clever. He opted with devastatingly romantic instead.

“I’m just trying to live, Rey.” He murmured. 

She was stunned into silence, so she took another drink. And another. They passed the bottle back and forth until their blood ran warm and their cheeks flushed. Rey corked the bottle and put it aside after Kylo took one last draw. He made like he was trying to stop her from doing so and ended up with his head in her lap. He gazed up at her, his eyes sparkling in the firelight.

“Thank you for all this.” She said, bringing a hand around to cup his cheek. He didn’t respond at first. He just reached up to grasp her chin between his fingers. She was a little woozy from the liquor, but was hyper aware of his touch.

“I wanted to give you everything. Why did you leave?” He finally asked, honest and sad. She was initially annoyed, but respected his candor and his courage at asking such a hard question.

“I didn’t want everything, Ben. All I ever wanted was you. Just you.” She whispered. He sat up until his face was inches from hers and brought a broad hand up behind her neck. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’ve wanted you since before I knew you. I’ve felt you, in the Force, for as long as I can remember.” He whispered and the soft puff of his breath caressed her cheek.

“I’ve dreamt of you.” She admitted. “Before we even met. You were in my dreams...and my nightmares.” She said, pulling back to see his reaction. He looked down at her lap and pulled in a deep breath.

“You had nightmares about Kylo Ren.” He sighed and looked back up into her eyes. She nodded once and he pounded a fist into the sand. He clenched his jaw and bared his teeth. She felt his anger seep through the bond, so she touched his arm in an attempt to soothe him.

“When I was a child, I would have tantrums. The Force was so strong in me, even then. I would break things, I hurt people. I never meant to do any of it. I scared my parents, so they sent me to Luke to train. To control my power, to hone it. I’d use my anger as a tool in my training, but this scared him, too.” Kylo took a breath and continued.

“Meanwhile in the back of my mind, Snoke was ever present, like a nagging ache I couldn’t get rid of. Around the same time I started hearing him, I started to feel you, too. But your presence was more quiet and abstract. When I tried to reach out to you, I never got anywhere.” He paused to gather his thoughts. She was silent, enraptured with his story, so he pressed on.

“After everything that happened at the temple, Snoke took me on as his apprentice. I became Kylo Ren and cemented my connection to the Dark Side. I learned of my grandfather, a powerful Sith Lord, and part of me aspired to be like him. But something always held me back. I know now, that it was you. I felt your presence every day and it gave me...something to hold on to. Hope that I wasn’t alone.”

The drink had loosened Kylo’s lips it seemed. This was the most Rey had ever heard him say at once. He wanted to tell her everything and she wanted to hear it all. 

“When I saw you on Tokodana, I knew immediately I had found my beacon. Finally, I had found the source of my hope. And here we are now and I am ripped apart all over again because I can’t be with you until this is all through.” His voice caught in his throat and he finished with, “This fucking war.”

Rey took his face in both of her hands then, forcing him to look her in the eyes. Their senses were both dulled, but emotions high from the liquor. There were tears in his eyes and she couldn’t blame him one bit. They had both revisited trauma and turmoil in the last few moments. But he had never seemed stronger to her than he did right now, with quivering lips and tears rolling down his cheeks. She wiped them away gently and he sniffed.

“I’ll never be the source of your nightmares again. I swear it.” He said through pursed lips. She finally leaned in and kissed those lips, which relaxed under her own. When she pulled back she saw he was no longer crying, but he wasn’t finished speaking.

“Rey, you make me feel like there’s a part of me that I want to get back again.” Ben said quietly, with stoic resolve.

Ben Solo said that. _Ben._

Tears welled in her eyes as she sobbed and embraced him, throwing her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her as she kissed him again. They both deepened the kiss immediately, tongues pressing and twining together. She went to straddle him, her knees coming to rest on either side of his waist.

The sun had set completely below the horizon line, and the sky was darkening quickly. Already a myriad of stars shone brightly above them. Only the fire lit them now as their limbs tangled together in an effort to remove each other’s clothes. Rey had completely neglected to wear underwear of any kind, so she was naked first but Ben was not far behind her. She pulled his undergarments down slowly over his hardening length, down his long legs and finally off completely.

He leaned up on both of his elbows and she took in the gorgeous sight of him. Long lines of muscle and sinew underneath soft, freckled, pale skin. His burgeoning erection hardened to an impressive size. It matched the rest of him, she considered. She worried, briefly, that it might hurt when he put it inside her for the first time.

She hoped she looked half as enticing to him as he did to her. Her hair was down and still damp when he reached up to run his fingers through it. When they reached the end of her hair, they moved down further still. His touch was solid and sure as his hand traveled slowly down her shoulder. When he reached her scar she had gotten in Snoke’s throne room, he looked up into her eyes. 

Ben recalled seeing the Preatorian Guard give Rey that mark. He had used his worry for her in that instant to fuel a rage that would end the lives of three other guards in seconds. He was gifted in the Dark Side. He was gifted with rage that he wielded as a weapon just as deadly as his spitting red cross guard saber.

The only thing that could quiet that rage was right in front of him now. However, Ben saw that rage in her sometimes too, and he was enticed by it. There were Dark tendrils of the Force within her as well. Her Light drew him in and helped balance him, but her Dark made him realize how alike they truly were.

Ben indulged himself and let his eyes wander Rey’s naked frame. Underneath all of her usual layers, she was actually quite slender. Her strength was more of a wiry sort than bulky, clearly. Her skin was sun kissed and soft to the touch. Her breasts were small but perky, with dark pink nipples at their peaks. She blushed underneath his scrutiny. He moved his hand from the scar on her arm to her breast. It fit easily under his hand and he squeezed gently. She whimpered at the contact but leaned into it. 

She bit her lip and moved to straddle him again. She sat down gently onto his lap pressing her slit onto his erection. His breath shuddered and his lips twitched. She grinned at this reaction. He pulsed his hips up and down, experimentally. He could feel how wet she was and he wanted desperately to be inside her. But she still hadn’t said anything since he opened up to her, and he needed to hear her voice.

“Talk to me, Rey.” Ben murmured, pressing his hips up again. His cock rubbed deliciously against her clit on this stroke and she shivered. Her mouth opened sensually and she bit her bottom lip in pleasure.

“I want you, Ben.” She whimpered.

“Have you done this before?” He had to ask. He had to know. He had to make this good for her. She shook her head and his heart leapt to his throat. He was her first.

“And you?” She asked, her voice uncharacteristically shy.

“I have, but it’s been years. And it was never like this.” Ben admitted. He hoped that did not discourage her or make her feel inadequate in any way. 

In his younger days in the First Order, Kylo Ren was a powder keg of emotions. Anger overflowed within him of course, but lust and need did as well. He had found release in the touch of women before, but these occasions were infrequent and never meant anything to him. He never felt fulfilled afterwards. Physically sated but emotionally empty. He never pursued a relationship with any of those women, much to their disappointment. As a result, he had thought he was incapable of romantic love. Several years ago he lost interest in sex with other people altogether. He took care of his own needs as they arose.

Then he met Rey and everything he thought he knew about himself changed. She made him furious. She made him depressed. She made him hopeful. She made him enamored. She made him so hard he couldn’t think. He wanted to fuck her so thoroughly that _she_ couldn’t think.

Ben’s hand was still gently squeezing her breast when she wiggled her hips over him in encouragement. He ran his other hand in between her breasts, down the flat, tan plane of her stomach, through the sparse hair on her mound. Finally, he teased her folds open. There he found she was so wet that he opted to skip fingering her again altogether. She could take him as is, she could handle it. 

Ben pulled his fingers from her soaking folds but before he could find a new spot to caress, Rey grabbed his hand and brought his palm to her lips. She kissed the calloused skin there and sucked his forefinger into her mouth. She reveled in the taste of herself on him. It was an intimacy she had never, ever experienced and she wanted to feel this way every single day.

He cinched his eyes shut and suppressed a moan behind lips pressed tightly together.  
She swirled her tongue around the tip of his finger, teasing. His eyelids fluttered open, he grit his teeth and pulled his finger from her mouth. He grasped her jaw in his now freed hand, and used the other to shove her down on the blanket. Their positions were switched now with Rey on the bottom and Ben looming over her. He pressed in closer, spreading her legs even further apart. His hand on her jaw slid down to circle around her neck. He squeezed lightly there and she gasped.

“Ben, please.” She begged.

He gave up on being gentle. Part of him knew she didn’t want it that way. She might be a virgin, but she was hardly delicate. It surprised them both when he lined his cock up to her entrance and thrust in without preamble. He slid in quite easily, since she was so wet for him, but she was extraordinarily tight around him. She winced and hissed, but her excitement thrummed through the bond. She knew the pain wouldn’t last. Her arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, grasping for purchase on the skin of his back.

Ben pulled out almost all the way to the tip and then thrust back in even deeper. And she thought that his fingers had stretched her to her limits. She was never so happy to be wrong in her life. All of him, all around her, pressing her down and pushing into her was just so big. He had to outweigh her by at least 35 kilos and that was never more evident than now. His very presence engulfed her. All she could do was just hold on as he found a rhythm and fucked into her.

Rey once bested him in battle, their strength was evenly matched. However, all of the new sensations had her caught off guard. Ben had taken clear charge of their coupling. He held her down by her neck, leaned in and growled into her ear. She shivered but on the next thrust she bared her teeth. Her fingernails bit into the sweaty skin of his shoulders, leaving behind tiny crescent marks. Turns out she was just as passionate in her lovemaking as she was her saber battles.

Ben’s satisfied chuckle rumbled low in his chest and he finally kissed her again, open mouthed, sloppy and perfect. She nibbled at his bottom lip as he pulled away to look at her. Sweat shone on her skin, giving her a dynamic glow in the dying flames of the fire. She drug her nails down his back, drawing angry red welts onto the pristine white canvas of his skin.

All the while, he fucked her languidly, in no rush to hurry this for either of them. Her pain had subsided and that pleasurable ache coiled between her legs for the second time today. She wrapped her legs tight around him, squeezing her heels into his ass. Her desire for it harder and faster floated across their bond. He responded by picking up the pace. She started rotating her hips, meeting him thrust for thrust. 

Rey was nearing her peak and Ben could feel it through the bond. He let go of her neck and reached down between them to toy with her clit. He rubbed in slow circles and she whined as she approached her climax. She exhaled heavily against his lips as she tipped over the edge. She cried out as the waves of pleasure flowed through her. Her inner muscles pulsed around his length and he was dangerously close to his own release. He fucked her through the last of her aftershocks. When he moved to pull out to finish outside of her, she wouldn’t allow it.

_Stay inside. It’s safe. I have an implant. It’s safe._ Rey nudged this thought across the bond. His body tensed as he passed the point of no return.

“Come inside me, Ben.” She whispered, nibbling on his ear lobe. He did as he was told. Ben saw stars when he came with a muffled groan, spilling his seed in copious spurts. The sensation was strange to her, but she loved feeling so full of him. She was happy in her forethought of getting an implant before she came to see him. 

They both panted in the come down. She finally let him pull out of her. He kissed her once more before rolling off of her to sit up. She took a deep breath and sat up as well, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. She looked up at the sky above, now completely dark and full of stars, to admire the beauty of the galaxy. 

Ben pressed a hand to her naked back and caressed her skin as he just watched her in the after glow. He could spend the rest of his life doing this and die a happy man. Rey looked over at him and smiled. He couldn’t help but smile back.

—


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is haunted by a nightmare of Starkiller, but driven to teach Rey the ways of the Force. They end up in each others arms in the lush, rolling hills beyond the woods where they trained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings faithful readers,
> 
> Ugh, ok so I’m sorry this took me so long. Work got really shitty there for about a week and I got majorly blocked. I’m also sorry the story still isn’t finished yet. This chapter got so long and I was going to keep going until the end, but it would have been way, way too long. I found a good place to end the chapter, so I rolled with it.
> 
> I hope you were looking for more of the same: porn with feelings and plot. Cause that’s all I got for the rest of this story for you, folks. The characters and song lyrics aren’t mine. However all of the mistakes do belong to me, as this continues to be an unbeta’d, self-indulgent roller coaster of a story. Much love, and as always, thanks for reading. <3

—

_All I can do  
Pushing it through  
Into you_

_You’re slipping through  
I’m coming to  
Into you_

_Deep_

—

_Ben!_

His father’s broken voice beckoned him from across the bridge. From across the veil. Kylo Ren turned to face the man that dared to call him by his old name. Han Solo looked so different than when he had last seen him. His hair was fully gray now and there were lines and crevasses in his face that revealed how time can ravage you. He still had that same stubborn expression though. That much hadn’t changed.

_Take that thing off._

Kylo did as his father asked and removed his helm. Han’s voice was fuzzy and ethereal and Kylo’s sounded strange in his ears. They spoke but the words were distorted and muffled until Kylo heard himself say, _Will you help me?_

Then his lightsaber flared on, piercing through his father’s gut. Han touched his son’s face and then fell into oblivion. 

_Thank you._

Kylo heard screaming. It was his own.

—

Ben woke with a gasp, covered in sweat. The beginning of dawn crept in through the window, but the room was still mostly dark. He caught his breath, doing his best to calm himself quickly. He didn’t want to wake his bed partner.

Rey slept soundly next to him on the large mattress. She didn’t even stir when he started awake. She snored softly as he carefully got out of bed to use the fresher. He felt a bit more calm and grounded after he splashed his face with water. 

He returned to the bed however, not wanting to rise for the day just yet. He slipped back under the sheet and light blanket he shared with her. She had rolled over while he was in the other room and she was no longer facing him. He moved in behind her until their bodies were flush together from head to toe. They were both naked and his half hard cock had settled nicely up against her rear end. Perhaps this would be a nice way to distract himself from his nightmare. He settled his head on one arm and wrapped the other around her lithe form.

Much to Ben’s surprise, he was able to doze for a bit, until the rising light through the window caused them both to stir. Rey let out a satisfied hum when she stretched and opened her eyes. He just squeezed her even closer, almost as if he was protesting any further movement. She loved the feeling of him behind her, warm and solid. Part of her wished every morning could be like this from now on. She rolled over to face him, and gave him a beaming smile.

“Good morning.” She said quietly, her voice groggy from sleep. Their faces were so close, she took this opportunity to really observe him. His deep, dark eyes. His beauty marks and his prominent nose. His plush lips and imperfect teeth. His thick, black hair and his endearingly large ears. The scar that split his cheek, ran down his neck and onto his shoulder. Everything about him was beautiful to her and she was suddenly struck with a peculiar possessiveness. That he was somehow hers.

He thrived under the intensity of her gaze. He recalled their coupling from the night before and this rekindled his desire. His fingers ached with the need to touch her all over. Every instinct in him told him to roll on top of her, press her into the mattress and fuck her fully awake. But he fought these urges and sat up instead.

“No, I liked that idea.” Rey whined. Ben chuckled and remembered the bond. She must have picked up on his lustful intent. He considered that he had precious little time with her. While his revivified libido insisted he spend most of that time with his cock inside her, he did also wish for them to get to know one another. As two Force users, he knew of an interesting way they could spend their time doing just that.

“I’d like for us to train today.”

She sat up, her interest piqued. She held the sheet up against her naked breast and looked to him, a coy smile on her lips. Her hair was messy from sleep and her skin was creased from the sheets. 

“You would train a Jedi?” She asked, cocking her brow suspiciously.

“I would train with this Jedi.” He pointed to her and left the room.

Rey visited the fresher and got dressed in her usual garb. Boots, leggings, shirt and wraps. She met Ben in the small kitchen. He was wearing loose sleeping pants now and was sipping on a cup of caf. He had just brewed it fresh.

“Would you like some?” He offered.

“No, I never liked it. Too bitter.” She said, scrunching her nose.

“Fair enough.” He replied, taking another sip. She saw two bottles on the counter next to him, one of them empty. He handed the full one to her.

“Liquid rations. The First Order favors them for their convenience.” He informed. She took the bottle and opened it. She sniffed and noted there was no particular smell. When she sipped it, she couldn’t quite place a flavor either. It wasn’t bad, per se. She was sure it would provide her with the energy to at least start their day.

She finished the drink while he finished his caf and got dressed into his usual garb. Black tunic, belt, black pants and boots. He clipped his saber on his hip and headed outside with her. She had brought her staff along, since she had not yet repaired her lightsaber. The staff didn’t stand a chance against his saber, they both knew that, but at least she could train and exercise with it.

Ben favored the shade the trees provided for their first activity, so he ventured a bit into the woods. Rey followed him for a pace until he stopped and sat down against a tree trunk.

“Come sit across from me.” He beckoned. She did so, leaving about a meter of space between them.

“Meditation is an important tool in any Force user’s arsenal. It gives us focus and clarity. It helps pool our strength and fortify our connection with the Force.” Ben informed.

“You sound like a Jedi.” Rey observed.

“You forget I was a Jedi once. Master Luke’s star Padawan learner.” He said his uncle’s name with a touch of vitriol. “Meditation has always benefited me in my relationship with the Force, whether I leaned Light or Dark. I think it’s important for you to hone this skill. You have immense raw power, Rey. And so far you’ve been able to get by on just that. It was enough to take me down on Starkiller. However, imagine what you could achieve when you gather your strength and focus that power.”

She hummed in acknowledgement and sat up straight in preparation for his next part of the “lesson”. She met his eyes and gave him a slight smile and nod, encouraging him to continue.

“Close your eyes and breathe. Be silent and listen to the world around you. Keep your perceptions open. Do this for a few moments and then tell me what you feel.” He said, his deep voice oddly soothing.

Rey was a woman of action. This meditation reminded her of exercises Master Luke had her perform on Ahch-To, and she was loathe to just sit around then. This was hardly any better. But she conceded to Ben’s wishes. She was getting better at feeling the Force around her after all. She listened to flying creatures trilling in the trees and the wind blowing through the leaves. She felt the planet’s very life force. It took her minutes before she noticed she couldn’t feel Ben anymore. Her eyes shot open.

He was still there, eyes closed, legs crossed, hands prone on his knees. A small smirk graced his lips as he felt her flare of anxiety at losing him.

“I felt the animals, the trees and the planet. But I can’t feel you.” She said in a tone of wonder.

“I’m closing myself off from the Force right now. This is a useful technique in case you need to shield your presence from another Force user or Force sensitive. The disadvantage is that your own powers are limited because you are shutting off the flow of the Force through you as well. Try it.”

She tried, but it didn’t come easily. Ever since the Force awoke within her, she never found reason to not let it flow freely. 

“Almost. Take a moment, take a breath. Rebalance and try again.” He encouraged.

This went on for over an hour. Different breathing exercises, different positions, different techniques were repeated over and over. Both of them were sweating by the time they were through and they hadn’t even really moved. He finally stood and extended a hand to her. She took it and he pulled her up to stand.

“I still would have liked to start our day with your original plan.” She said as she shot him a wicked grin and gripped his hand tighter.

“So singleminded.” He chided and let go of her hand. He led her further into the woods until they came upon a clearing. It was here, Ben had landed his TIE Whisper. As he approached the sleek black and red ship, Rey called out to him.

“I thought you wanted to remain discreet?” She half-teased.

“Remember what I said yesterday about calculated risk? Plus I had it cloaked until I landed.” He replied as he entered the ship. She wondered what he was doing, but he wasn’t in there long. When he came out he had what looked to be a lightsaber in his hand.

“I wasn’t sure if we’d need this, so I left it in a secret compartment in the Whisper. But, if you’d like, we can do some saber training next.” He said as he handed her the lightsaber. It was heavy in her hand, the hilt was longer than that of the Legacy saber. It had more weight than Anakin’s saber as well, but less weight than Kylo Ren’s cross guard saber. She passed it back and forth between her hands and switched it on. The bright blue blade sprang to life and hummed deeply as she twirled it once, getting a feel for it in her hands. She switched it off and looked up at him.

“I’m sorry I haven’t repaired your grandfather’s saber.” She said, almost embarrassed.

“Its destruction is just as much my fault as it is yours, Rey. Constructing a lightsaber is tedious and skillful work, even for master Jedi. Do you have the pieces with you?”

She shook her head.

“That’s just as well. It likely needs a new kyber crystal anyway. Will that one do for now?” Ben asked, indicating her new weapon.

“It’s a little heavier than I’m used to, but I think I can manage with it. Where is it from?” She inquired.

“It’s mine.” He said and cleared his throat. Rey was astonished he still had it from his younger days as a Jedi Padawan. She assumed, incorrectly, that he had rid himself of it or destroyed it. He had hidden it away but the fact that he kept it at all gave her even more confidence in Ben Solo.

“Thank you...for letting me use it, Ben.” She murmured and clipped it to her belt. She didn’t inquire further into the origins of his Jedi lightsaber, or how long it had been in disuse. These questions burned in her mind but she kept them at bay for the time being. She could sense his restlessness and discomfort. He had revealed so much about himself to her in such a short time and she didn’t want to make him feel worse by prying.

“I thought meditation was supposed to make you calm.” Rey said as she reached out to lace her fingers with his. “I can sense you are struggling with your emotions right now.”

“Hmph.” He attempted to dismiss her as he contemplated their joined hands. He rubbed both of his thumbs against her palms and let her hands go. He turned without saying a word and headed back towards the beach.

Rey followed him in silence. She could still sense the turmoil within him, but there was a calm she could sense too. He had a lot of energy, that much she could glean from his Force signature today. Maybe he just needed to burn some of it off. Once they reached the white sands of the beach he finally stopped and turned back to her.

“While you are an accomplished lightsaber duelist, I’d like to show you some of the basics. Come stand beside me and we can get started.” He said as he ignited his blade. She did as she was told and switched her borrowed lightsaber on.

The only time they had faced off, she was the victor, but she knew he was a force to be reckoned with when holding a lightsaber. Their battle in Snoke’s throne room was proof of that. She had held her own then, but Ben easily dispatched two Preatorian guards for every one Rey took out. He was a beast with that angry red saber. It was no wonder she had once called him a monster, for when he was wearing his mask and wielded that blade he was truly fearsome. But as her teacher, he was anything but.

Rey had to admit, Ben was an excellent instructor. He was firm but patient. Most importantly, he had a gift for explaining exactly what he wanted her to do. She had noticed this during their meditation exercises, but his teaching ability really shone through when it came to saber work. Their bond helped of course, so she felt she caught on even quicker.

Every saber duelist had their own style, Master Luke had told her on Ahch-To. Ben reiterated that and further explained that she would find hers in time. Master Luke’s had been poised and graceful, almost as if he were a dancer. He had also favored a stance that brought him to his full height, standing straight up to face his opponent. The older Jedi was not a large man and he knew this, so he catered his style accordingly.

Ben’s style was based on his size and power, both physical and in the Force. He forsook grace for ferocity. He could twirl his blade with ease but he favored forceful, seemingly chaotic, but calculated, strikes over fancier blade work. His preferred stance was unusual, Rey thought. For such a tall and broad man, one would think he would aim to stand up straight with his chest puffed out, to intimidate his foe with his sheer size. But instead, Ben hunched over and spread his legs apart. This gave him the appearance of some predatory creature, eager to pounce on his prey. That was an entirely different kind of intimidating, she considered.

“Your style will likely rely on your speed.” He said during a moment where they weren’t practicing thrusts, parries or dodges. “That’s what caught me off guard in our duel on Starkiller. Well, not just that, but you get my meaning. You are slight and fast, hard to hit and hard to dodge. Keep this in mind when facing an opponent, especially someone larger and slower than you.”

“You mean, someone like you?” She teased. He chuckled in response, breaking the serious role of instructor for only a moment, before they went through another set of drills.

They spent a good two hours on lightsaber training, until Rey put a hand on Ben’s wrist to get his attention. She flicked the blue saber off, and he followed suit. They were both breathing hard from exertion and the heat that was starting to build as the sun rose higher in the sky. She reached out with the Force and no longer sensed turmoil in him. Now he seemed content, satisfied even. But he was still driven to teach her even more.

“I have one last trial for you and then we can do as you like for the rest of the day.” Ben said as he clipped his saber to his belt. Rey did the same and looked up at him. His face was damp with sweat and she wondered why he chose to wear such heavy clothes on a hot summer day.

“And what might that be?” She grinned when she asked. She may have joked before about preferring to start the day with more lascivious activities but she was thoroughly enjoying training with him. There was sweat on her brow and her hair was coming loose from her buns, but she had an eager look in her eye and her smile was intoxicating. Ben was distracted by her and suddenly, all he could process was, _Stars, she’s so beautiful._

“Ben?” She pressed.

“I...er...hmm.” He stammered, gathered his thoughts and continued. “Did you ever play hide and seek as a child?”

“Um, not that I can remember, no. But I’m familiar with the concept, I suppose.”

“This will be similar. I’m going to make my way into the woods. After a quarter of an hour, you come and find me.” He instructed simply.

“That sounds...”

“Easy? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll be cutting myself off from the Force most of the time and I’ll move about as I see fit. You’ll need to traverse through unfamiliar terrain using not only the Force but also your senses to seek me out.”

Rey looked up at Ben, not quite sure if there was a scholarly purpose to this lesson. She supposed it could be considered gaining experience in the field using her Force powers. She shouldn’t take for granted the fact that she had another Force user to train with. She instantly regretted doubting him, and steeled herself for her next task.

He leaned in quickly and stole a chaste kiss from her, their first that day she realized belatedly. With a satisfied grin, he took advantage of her moment of shock and darted towards the tree line. For a man his size, he could move rather quickly when he wanted to.

_Wait fifteen minutes. Then come find me._ He whispered across their bond before he closed himself off from the Force. The bond was shut. She could no longer feel him even though he was still quite close. She sighed, a little annoyed that she hadn’t been able to make more of the kiss before he ran off. It had been a deliberate move on his part. It only gave her more motivation to seek him out. To maybe finish what he started with that brief kiss.

Rey knelt in the sand and waited. She had no means of telling the passage of time at her disposal, so she would have to estimate. She closed her eyes and began to count in her mind, doing her best to give Ben the time he requested. This in itself was a kind of meditation, she realized. She quieted her mind and fortified her connection with the Force in preparation for the trial ahead.

—

Nearly two hours had passed and Rey still hadn’t found Ben. She caught flickers of his Force signature here and there, but she had a feeling he was deliberately misleading her. Giving her false leads as to what direction he had actually headed. About an hour in, she decided if he was going to toy with her so, she would play the game at her own pace. If he wanted to tease, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of her frustration. 

She stopped at a small grove of Chandrilan apple trees and picked several of the ripe fruits from their branches. She snacked on them as she strolled through the trees at a languid pace. The grove had been at the edge of the woods Ben had initially run into. But there was a meadow beyond with rolling hills and shallow valleys. He could be hiding somewhere in the tall grass.

When she finished her apples, Rey climbed the highest hill to try and get a good view of the land around her. Ben had told her she would need to use her other senses to find him. She was no tracker, only a scavenger and had little experience following after game or foes. Her only hope to find him at this point was to somehow maybe see him when he moved. If he moved.

She peered in all directions for what felt like much longer that it actually was and finally huffed in resigned frustration. She sat at the top of the hill and crossed her legs in the grass. She closed her eyes to meditate. Maybe he would reward her with a hint to his whereabouts if he saw she was employing what she learned from one of their earlier training sessions that day.

Rey had been frightened that morning when she suddenly couldn’t feel Ben’s presence. It caught her off guard and made her doubt her own connection to the Force. She knew that Master Luke had used the same method to cut himself off from the Force, but being unable to feel her bond mate after being inside his head for weeks was uncomfortable and unnerving. Especially since their connection was even stronger after they shared a bed, and each other, the night before.

Once they had gone inside after their coupling on the beach, she noticed she had bled. She wondered now, atop this hill where she was supposed to be meditating, whether she would bleed again if they were to come together once more. She wasn’t approaching her cycle so it wasn’t that. It was a sign of her lost virginity, she concluded finally. She never had a mother or many friends to tell her what to expect. She had to just figure this all out on her own.

As her mind wandered further, she felt a sudden burst of his presence in the Force. It was behind her, further into the meadow. Her eyes snapped open and she bolted upright, squinting towards where she felt him. Then she caught a movement in the tall grass, the foliage rustling suspiciously. The wind wasn’t strong enough to prompt that sort of movement. She figured it could be a native creature of the planet, out to graze its supper. But when she saw a flash of black in the rustling brush, she knew she had finally found him.

Ben must have sensed it because he dropped his defenses and the bond burst open. Rey felt his pride and his excitement that she had found him. He felt her thrill as she began to give chase. She sprinted down the hill towards the spot she had seen his movements. He certainly knew how to use the terrain to his advantage. He weaved through the grass and shallow valleys like he knew them. And perhaps he did, half a lifetime ago.

She cut across to climb a peak as he descended into the nearest valley. She could see him completely now. The grass wasn’t as tall here, and the hills were further apart, so he had lost his cover. He wasn’t cornered but she had the high ground, which gave her more options to reach him. She could Force jump down to him, but she was beginning to tire. Fatigue was finally setting upon her muscles and bones. She wasn’t sure if using the Force in such a way would leave her with enough energy to finish her trial. She opted to use gravity to her advantage and began sliding down the wet and muddy grass on her feet.

Ben didn’t run. In fact he did his best to catch Rey in his arms as she slid into him. They tumbled to the ground with the force of her momentum, and landed not at all softly on the grass below. She giggled as she sat up to brush grass from her hair. 

“You let me find you.” She said, her tone mirthful.

“I couldn’t resist you for long. Not when you’re so close.” He said, his voice deep, rough and so serious that it caught her by surprise. Her smile faded as he touched the fingers of one hand to her face, gently. She cupped that hand in hers and turned her head to kiss his palm.

Ben sat up fully, wrapped his arms around Rey and kissed her then. A proper kiss, not like the simple peck he had given her a few hours before. She melted into it and knew that she would give in to her baser nature here in these green hills with him.

She marveled at what a sight they must make. This dark Knight of Ren entangled messily with a Jedi hopeful. A disgraced prince of an outer rim world and a nobody scavenger from nowhere. 

With his lips pressed softly against hers and his hands grasping at her thighs it was hard to concentrate on much else but the moment at hand. However, the story of Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala crossed her mind, unbidden, and she had to pull away. To catch her breath she told herself. But it was also to swallow the lump forming in her throat. 

“Don’t, Rey.” Ben whispered against her lips, almost begging. “It won’t be like that for us. I promise.”

“How can you promise when you so aspired to be like him? How can you promise when I know you have to go back to lead the First Order?” She couldn’t control the volume of her voice or how it cracked. She couldn’t hold back the tears that threatened to fall down her reddening cheeks. He tipped her chin up with his fingers, gently lifting her gaze to his.

“I meant what I said to you last night. I was lost for so long. But you are the beacon leading me on a path I finally feel is right.” His dark gaze burned with conviction and she believed every word. They kissed again as she pressed him down on the grass. His dark locks a shocking black contrast to the bright green of the foliage beneath them.

Bits of clothing were discarded or pushed aside to let the other grasp and pull at naked skin beneath. They were frantic to feel the other as close as possible. As close as they were the night before. He had discarded his heavy tunic but his long sleeve shirt remained beneath. With eager hands, she rucked the fabric up to his chest so she could kiss and lick at his well muscled stomach. He pulled at her boots and leggings and tossed them carelessly aside. Her shirt, some of her belts and breast band still covered her, but he squeezed a breast through all that fabric and she moaned wantonly. After another fierce and passionate kiss, she pulled away to tug at his belt, grasping at the hem of his trousers demandingly. He lifted his hips, helping her along so she she could pull his cock free. 

Rey hesitated for only a moment before she leaned down and wrapped her mouth around Ben’s length. She was operating on pure instinct and on what fragmented feelings he was able to emote to her through their bond. When she sucked him in further still, he cracked his head against the ground below almost painfully. His ensuing moan sounded equal parts tortured and sensual and she felt a telltale wetness growing between her bare thighs.

He hissed air in sharply between his teeth and grimaced at the abject pleasure of her mouth and tongue on the most intimate part of him. She was inexperienced here too, but the confidence in her gaze when she looked up at him with his cock on her lips was nothing short of breathtaking. He was stunned by how she so easily turned him into this quivering mess of a man, so desperate for her touch.

She sucked him in once more and bobbed there for a moment, and he gripped his fingers greedily into her hair, pulling slightly. She lifted her head up and his cock came free of her lips with an illicit popping sound. Saliva was wet on her plump lips and he couldn’t help but pull her up to him to kiss them again. 

Ben wasn’t surprised when Rey spread her bare thighs over his waist. He wasn’t surprised when she lowered herself down carefully into his length. But he was astounded at how tight and wet and warm she was for him. Everything about her absolutely engulfed him. When he pushed up into her again and again, deeper and deeper, he felt himself becoming complete.

She scavenged all of his jagged edged pieces, found out how they fit and mended them back together. She did this with the writhing of her hips and the press of her lips. She did this with her willingness to see him and her eagerness to train with him. She did this with love she wasn’t even aware she had in her heart to give.

Rey rode Ben hard and fast, feeling the pleasure rising at the apex of her thighs. He gripped her shoulders and buried his face in her neck, pulling her down roughly on every thrust up. She was starting to whimper and moan and he felt her approaching orgasm through the bond. She became fierce in the delicious anticipation of reaching her peak. She gripped a thick handful of his hair at the base of his skull and pulled tightly back, forcing him to crane his neck and look up at her. She looked down into his soft, dark eyes and licked into his mouth with wanton abandon. He kissed her back and kept pushing up into her with all the energy he could muster. She whimpered helplessly into his mouth when she came. The torrent of her pleasure burst through their bond and Ben had to pull away from the kiss to shout as he met his release with her.

They fell gracelessly into the soft grass of the valley as the sun slowly descended behind the tallest hill nearby. They caught their breath in the fuzzy aftermath of their shared moment of pleasure. They didn’t speak when they dressed and gathered themselves. Ben reached for Rey’s hand, twining his fingers with hers, and held it the entire walk back to the bungalow.

—


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey discuss their nightmares and the Dark Side. Fortunately, they are able to find solace in one another one last time before they have to leave Chandrila.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, hi. Sorry this chapter took so long once again, but this fic is finally finished. I wanted to complete it before TRoS was released and I’m proud that I met that challenge.
> 
> A little canonical error on my part: I started writing this fic before I found out that Kylo Ren had actually modified Ben Solo’s Padawan lightsaber into the cross guard saber. So, oops, we’ll just pretend that’s not a thing for this fic.
> 
> I did incorporate some aspects from the FA novelization, specifically the “I’ll come back for you, sweetheart” line. Literally every Reylo fic uses this but I love it so much I don’t care. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the conclusion to the longest fic I’ve ever written. I want to thank those of you that read it, because writing it really helped me out when I was in a bad place, mentally. This series (and this ship) was my saving grace for a few months. I’m nervous but excited for where Reylo will go in TRoS.
> 
> The song that inspired this fic is called Deep by Nine Inch Nails. Check it out if you feel so compelled. I don’t own those lyrics or Star Wars and it’s characters. But I think you all know that by now. Let me know what you think! <3

—

_We could become  
Two into one  
Leave this behind  
Over and done  
Everything new  
I’m getting through  
Into you_

—

Rey gripped tight on the Skywalker lightsaber. Fierce wind whipped around her, chilling her to the bone. The ground rumbled beneath her feet.

Kylo Ren’s blood was smeared in the snow. He was wounded, livid, but still standing. He pounded on his own wound, to cause himself more pain, to feed his Dark side powers. It made him stronger. But his rage and pain fed strength would do him no good here on Starkiller. Not against her.

_You need a teacher!_ He insisted through bared teeth. Their sabers clashed and sparked, hummed and cracked. He remained on the defensive, unwilling to kill her even then. Without that killer instinct, he lost control of the battle. She stabbed him in the shoulder and split his face open with his own family’s blade. As she circled his prone form, she heard a voice speak inside her head.

_Kill him._ The male, reedy voice encouraged her. A dark part of her agreed with the voice, but that would make her no better than the creature clad in black that lay injured at her feet. She was no executioner.

_Kill him!_ The voice was louder now, with more conviction. Insistent that she do it’s bidding. Rey raised the lightsaber above her head, hesitating.

_Kill him!_ The voice commanded in a guttural shout that sounded more monstrous that Kylo Ren ever had. She struck the blade down and screamed as the voice let out a menacing laugh. Suddenly, she was awash in the Dark Side and became lost. 

—

Rey awoke with a gasp to the sound of rain gently pattering on the roof. Ben stirred next to her, but remained asleep. She got out of bed to stand by the window and observe the state of the weather outside. She shivered with the memory of her dream. She looked back to the dark haired man who shared her bed. He was a reminder that her dream wasn’t real. Yes they had battled on Starkiller and yes she had given him those scars. But he was alive, not dead by her hand as the mysterious voice in her dream commanded.

She turned back to look out the window at the world outside. It was pouring rain and the clouds above were heavy and dark. She saw a flash of lightning far out on the lake and seconds later, a crack of rolling thunder rumbled loudly.

She heard Ben inhale deeply behind her and she turned to see him sitting up in bed. She wore a tan sleeping shirt to bed the night before, but he wore nothing once again. The blanket fell down his chest and settled around his waist, revealing the pale skin of his broad chest. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and she smiled at the intimacy of it all. How she wished they could stay like this forever. No more fighting on opposite sides, no more killing, no more war. No more voices whispered from shrouded corners of the galaxy telling either of them what to do.

“Did the thunder wake you?” She asked.

“It did. The weather here is usually mild, but a summer storm isn’t unheard of.” He yawned and then asked, “Did it wake you?”

Rey shook her head and approached the foot of the bed. She sat down by Ben’s feet and dropped a hand to his leg. She didn’t meet his eyes, choosing instead to watch the tempest outside through the window.

“I woke from a nightmare.” She whispered and finally turned to look him in the eyes. He couldn’t hold her gaze for long, though, as he recalled his own nightmare from the night before last. His lips twitched and pressed together as he turned his head to watch the storm outside.

“I had a nightmare our first night here.” His voice was tinged with regret. “I didn’t want to tell you...”

“We should talk about them, I think.” She cut him off and reached for his hand. His eyes met hers again and he looked so melancholic. He nodded in agreement, however and she squeezed his hand in encouragement.

“I know why I had this dream.” He began. “I’m wracked with guilt over my past and my wrongdoings. I was so _happy_ to have you here with me, Rey. But my conscience won’t let me be. I may regret it now, but I believe I am doomed to relive killing my father for the rest of my life. That act will haunt me until my dying day. It’s unforgivable.” His voice shook with this admission. 

Their relationship with each other was complicated to say the least. But the circumstances of Han Solo’s death was possibly the most complex aspect of it all. Rey still had no idea what to say when Ben brought it up. She was still so angry that he killed him. Her own jealously still got the best of her. Han loved his son, how could he betray him so? 

“You will be paying for that the rest of your life.” Rey said, not unkindly. “But you have shown me you are capable of change. I meant it when I said one day you will be a good man. I believe in the Light in you. I believe in _you_.”

She caressed his scarred cheek and he leaned into her touch. His heart swelled with an unfamiliar feeling. It was warm, accepting, validating. He hadn’t felt this in a very long time and he was frightened of naming it for what it was. But there was no denying the love he felt for her.

“Tell me about your dream.” He said, cutting off his own train of thought. Rey sighed and dropped her hand from Ben’s face and back down into his lap. 

“I’ve never been afraid of the Dark Side. Master Luke said I should be, but I never was. I can feel it out there, somewhere, Ben. I...I feel the Dark Side looming. Snoke is dead and gone and you are here, controlling your Dark but...I don’t know how to explain this.” She finished, frustrated.

“What happened in your nightmare, Rey?” He asked in a whisper. Once again, she found herself confiding in him, just as she had in that stone hut on Ahch-To. Tears burned at the rims of her eyelids and she choked on a sob she didn’t know she was holding back. 

“I killed you after our battle on Starkiller! Someone...something commanded me to kill you. And I listened! I killed you and let the Dark Side consume me.” She took a shaking breath and wiped her tears. She hated how vulnerable she became around him. She hadn’t wanted to cry, but she couldn’t fathom ending his life. The thought of losing him made her immeasurably distraught.

Ben was speechless. He knew all about the Dark Side. It’s allure. It’s power. Once it had its hold on you, it was hard to let go. That much it shared with the Light, however. He himself was often seduced and even inspired by it, now more than ever with her around. Suddenly he realized had never quite explained to her that he was never purely Dark, not like the Sith. He and Snoke both had utilized powers, abilities and credos from both sides of the Force. But the Dark side is what allowed them both to wield as much absolute power as they did. 

He did think it was curious how, even after he killed Snoke, that he still felt the pall of the Dark Side. Not only in himself (and he struggled with that daily) but also out in the galaxy. Hiding in a place unknown, far away but ever present. He hadn’t really had time to consider the significance of that. Perhaps she was more sensitive to detecting the Dark Side than he was. It’s possible that was why she was so stricken by such a nightmare.

“What are we going to do about it? The Dark that’s out there?” Rey’s tone was uncharacteristically worried.

“We’ll deal with it together. As long as we have each other, I think we can keep the Dark Side from overwhelming us.” Ben reassured her.

Rey had wiped the last of her tears. She composed herself and turned her gaze back to the squall outside. Another flash of lightning came and went, followed shortly by a boom of thunder. The storm was closer now and the rain was pelting the roof. It provided a pleasant white noise to the room, and for a while, it was the only sound.

“Would you...like me to hold you?” Ben asked quietly. She turned to look into his eyes, heavy-lidded from recent sleep, but so inviting. She nodded in acquiescence and moved closer to him on the bed. She came to sit by his side, leaning up against his long torso. Her head nestled into the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her. He pressed a kiss to her temple, just along her hairline and she sighed.

“I’m here, Rey. It was just a dream.” The rumble of his deep voice soothed her. Stars, how could this man who had been responsible for so much abject destruction be this gentle to her. The duality of his identity still caused conflict within her, and this left her compromised. The Dark was able to seep into her mind and fill her with doubt.

What kind of woman was she, falling into bed with the Supreme Leader of the First Order? Had she let her principles fall by the wayside for his smoldering gaze, honeyed words and hard body? No...no! He was changing his ways. He was training her in the Force. He wanted her to be stronger, to fight for what was right and good in the galaxy.

“I feel conflict in you, now. Your emotions are roiling. Don’t let them consume you. That’s how the Dark Side gets in.” He spoke quickly and the tone of his voice was dire. He pulled away slightly and turned to look her in the eyes. “Talk to me.” He pleaded.

“I am frightened of how you make me feel, Ben Solo.” She admitted. “I have never felt like this about anyone before. The thought of losing you...the thought of being the one responsible for it...I...mmph!” He interrupted her with a kiss. She smacked his chest playfully, but eventually leaned into his embrace.

“How many times must I say it? I’m right here, Rey.” He growled against her lips. “You won’t lose me. I spent years searching for you since I first felt you. And now, I’m never letting this...I’ll never let _us_ go. I’d follow you to the edges of the galaxy. Beyond that. You wouldn’t be able to lose me if you tried.”

His stubborn arrogance was confounding in it’s charm and she was lost in another kiss. She knew better, though. She knew they would part in a few hours, that he would fly off back to the First Order. She resented that fact and couldn’t help but hold it against him.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave. I wish I didn’t, either. I wish...” She paused and swallowed. She was apprehensive of uttering her honest feelings. But if there was one person in the whole galaxy she could tell the truth to, it was Ben.

“I wish we could run away from it all, Ben. Leave this war behind. The Resistance, the First Order. All of it. Together, we could start over.” The words tumbled from her mouth quickly.

“We’d be wanted. Authorities or even worse, bounty hunters would come for us.” He noted, leaning closer to her.

“We’d outrun them and outsmart them. Flee to the outer rim, change our names, find simple work as mechanics or farmers. We could be together. Just us. We could be happy.” She ended on a whisper.

“We could build a family.” He hadn’t meant to say it, but the words slipped from his lips. Before he could say anymore she was kissing him, long and deep. She moaned into it, but pulled away reluctantly, willing herself to be stoic and serious again.

“But it’s just a fantasy. We can’t.” She whispered against his jaw, near his ear.

“Like hell, we can’t.” He rumbled, grabbing both of her wrists to pin her down on the mattress. “After that little speech, I’ve half a mind to kidnap you right now.”

Kylo Ren flickered back into existence in this moment of possessive fervor. Thunder shook their small abode as the storm raged outside. She would have been frightened, if she didn’t find the tease of Ben’s darkness so arousing. She wondered in a brief moment of shame what it would be like to fuck him with his mask on. He chuckled darkly and shot her a predatory look.

“One day, I’ll show you, sweetheart.” He rumbled, grinning. She blushed a deep red, equal parts embarrassed and turned on. She hadn’t intended for that thought to float across the bond. Her nipples were hard and sensitive to the scratchy fabric of her nightshirt. She wanted it off and she wanted him touching her immediately.

His body was still so warm from sleep, she noticed languidly, as he pressed her down into the mattress on their next kiss. He slid his hand underneath her nightshirt, softly caressing her skin. She shivered and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. He grasped at her breast and toyed with her nipple and she whined, spreading her legs so he could settle his naked hips between them.

Rey couldn’t stop kissing Ben. These were their last few hours together and they weren’t certain when they’d be able to meet in person again. There was no place either of them would rather be than in bed with each other in this small bungalow on the Chandrilan lakeside. Time was a luxury they did not possess, but they would do their best to hang on to the memories they made here. 

She leaned up to help him lift her nightshirt off, finally. Their lips separated for only a second and then she pressed her mouth to his again. He kissed his way down her neck and chest, nipping on a breast as he passed by. To her curiosity he kissed even lower still on her ribs and belly until he reached the hem of her underclothes. He shot her an eager look, full of promise, and she nodded to him. He pulled down her underclothes, discarding them to the floor. What he did to her next was nothing short of phenomenal.

Ben lowered his mouth to Rey’s center, parting her folds open with his tongue. He licked a hot, wet stripe up her sex and she gasped in surprise. He continued his ministrations, teasing her clit with his mouth and she couldn’t help but moan in abject pleasure. She frantically grasped his head for purchase, tangling her fingers in his unruly locks. She pulled his hair, not hard but not gently either, and he groaned. His voice vibrated against her and she whined at the sensation. She pulled on his hair, harder this time in the hopes he would groan against her again. This got her a soft bite to her inner thigh for her trouble. He gazed up at her through dark lashes, smirked and went back to work.

He teased and sucked on her clit as he slid a hand up her torso to squeeze her breast. She covered his hand with hers, encouraging this new development. She was incredibly close already and her hand in his hair pulled him even closer to the source of her pleasure. With the swift swipe of his tongue over her clit and his fingers pinching her nipple, she tipped over the edge and came with a soft moan. He gripped her thigh hard enough to bruise as he kept his mouth on her through the gyrating of her hips and the pulsing aftershocks.

Rey barely had time to come down from her post-orgasmic high, before she felt Ben’s hands gripping her hips firmly. Her completion had teased him over their bond, and he was ready to take his pleasure of her now that her needs were met. He flipped her over onto her stomach with surprisingly little effort. He kept one hand on her hip while he slid the other onto her lower belly.

“On your knees.” He ordered as he lifted her hips with his hands. She complied, still fuzzy and pliant from her recent release. Once she was up on her knees and elbows, he lined himself up with her entrance and pushed in. Even as wet and open she was from her orgasm, she still felt stretched beyond her limits with the girth of him. She winced for the first few thrusts, until her body adjusted to him completely. 

He established a slow and steady rhythm and she obliged him. This was much less frantic than their encounter yesterday in the fields. She supposed she enjoyed this experience just the same, but for different reasons. A quick and dirty coupling scratched a different itch. Slow and tender was much more intimate, and fulfilled a separate desire.

Ben slid a hand up Rey’s back and settled it on her shoulder. The other he kept firm on her hip. On a thrust in, he pulled her towards him, pressing her farther onto his cock. She cried out in pleasure and a bit of pain, as he bottomed out inside her. After several more thrusts she adjusted again but she wanted a different angle. She wanted to see his face.

She rose from her current position, keeping her knees on the mattress. He grunted in surprise at this momentary change, but she moved slowly and gave him time to adjust the angle. She brought her torso upright until her back was flush with his chest. He leaned back to accommodate her, this angle allowing for quicker more shallow thrusts.

Ben wrapped both arms around Rey, one hand coming up to play with her breasts and the other settling between her thighs. He pressed two fingers up against her clit and she leaned her head back onto his shoulder and whimpered. She turned her head slowly, stretching her neck so she could look at his face.

His black hair was wild, sticking out in all directions, and his cheeks were flushed. His eyes were closed, eyebrows drawn and lips pressed together in deep concentration. She was selfish though, and wanted his complete attention. She wanted him to look at her, too.

Lightning flashed and thunder raged as the storm persisted outside. She lifted her hand to caress his cheek and pull his face towards hers.

“Ben.” She whispered as her lips brushed his earlobe. “Look at me.”

Her dark knight did as he was told, and his eyes fluttered open. He turned his head on a sharp angle to take her in. He gave her the same look he had given her in the elevator on the _Supremacy_, like he wanted to eat her alive. She thrived on that look shamelessly, absolutely loving the way it made her feel. 

She smirked at him and gasped as he increased the speed of his fingers on her clit. Her mouth opened sensually, invitingly. He slipped the hand that had been squeezing her breasts until now, slowly up her neck and jaw. When he pressed his fingers into her mouth she sucked, hard, her lips red and plump around them. She scraped her teeth gently on the pads of his fingers. 

These sensations shot warm bolts of pleasure straight to Ben’s cock and he began to struggle with maintaining his pace. His thrusts were erratic and he was so close it was mind numbing. Rey was close again too, he could feel it through the bond. They had entered the sweetly enticing shared feedback loop of impending orgasm. It was becoming familiar territory for them now.

He pulled his fingers from her mouth and tangled his hand in her hair. He pulled her head firmly to the side so that he could kiss her. When they kissed fervently, they reached their peak together, moaning their satisfaction against the other’s lips.

When the aftershocks subsided, Rey flopped forward onto the mattress. Ben followed just after and landed half on top of her. She was again reminded of his size and not insignificant weight as she caught a breath underneath him. He kissed the back of her neck and shoulders lazily, clearly in no hurry to allow her to go anywhere. His solid presence grounded her in this precious moment of satisfaction and peace.

“Can this be our forever?” She heard the words emerge quietly from her mouth before she could think about the significance of what they meant.

“One day.” He promised.

—

R2-D2 arrived later that morning, a grim reminder of their impending separation. The droid tracked in wet sand and a puddle collected water beneath him. He was dripping wet from the rain and complained about the weather.

“You didn’t have to come get her you know. I would have brought her to you. You could have saved yourself the trip.” Ben snarked at the astromech.

“_I wasn’t sure if either of you remembered I was even here._” The little droid sniped back.

“I’m so sorry I never came by to see you, Artoo.” Rey said as she left the larger bedroom, holding her bag and staff.

“_It’s alright. I made some minor repairs and maintenance to the ship while you were away. Besides, I’m sure you were well occupied._” He beeped suggestively as he rotated his dome towards Ben.

“It’s like you want me to rip you to pieces, you oversized tin can.” Ben mumbled under his breath as he left the living area to gather his belongings. He was only gone for a moment and when he returned he was wearing his cape and cowl and carrying a small black rucksack. Rey knew what this meant. It was time to say goodbye. She turned to Artoo and knelt in front of him.

“I’ll be right back, Artoo. Then we can go back to our ship together, alright?”

He buzzed an affirmation to her and she smiled at him sadly. She patted his dome and stood, taking Ben’s free hand in hers. He turned to address the astromech before they left.

“Get her back to the Resistance safely for me, Artoo. Or I will hunt you down and disassemble you piece by piece. Understood?” Ben’s threat was hollow, but he made it all the same.

“_She’s safe with me. I think you know that, though. It was nice to see you again, Ben._”

“Hmph. Wish I could say the same.” Ben’s tone was teasing and familiar. He didn’t hate the droid, not really, Rey could tell. He led her out of the the bungalow by the hand. The thunder and lightning had subsided, but it was still raining quite heavily. Rey hadn’t brought a cloak with her when she hastily packed for this trip. Ben brought his cowl up to cover his head then grasped the edge of his cape and lifted it, urging her underneath his arm. It wasn’t perfect, but it would keep her at least moderately dry until they reached his ship. She wrapped an arm tentatively around his waist as she did her best to stay underneath the makeshift cover he made for her.

“Why are you so cruel to Artoo?” Rey broke the short silence with a question. Ben’s answering laugh was worth the asking. She silently congratulated herself for getting him to genuinely smile before they had to part. Several times he had smiled, actually. All were for her.

“Would you believe it if I told you he was jealous of me when I was born?” Ben asked, looking down at her.

“You’re joking.” Rey said suspiciously.

“I really wish I was.” Ben said, but didn’t elaborate any further. They trudged through the woods and the rain in silence, until they came upon Kylo Ren’s TIE Whisper.

Ben turned to face Rey, doing his best to keep her as sheltered from the rain as possible. Before their eyes even had the chance to meet, she kissed him. He sighed into the kiss and savored the moment with her here on his home planet, before they both had to return to the harsh reality of war.

She pulled away from the kiss first, but did not leave his arms. She reached down to her waist and unhooked his Padawan lightsaber from her belt. When she held it out for him to take, he was reticent to accept it.

“You should keep it. You might need it.” He said softly.

“You may have a greater need of it than I do. Besides, I believe it’s my destiny to repair Anakin’s lightsaber, a responsibility I don’t take lightly.” She replied. The look in her eyes was stubborn and determined. He knew better than to try and argue the point. He took his old lightsaber then, and hooked it onto his belt next to his cross guard saber.

“If you insist.” He said gently as he pulled down his cowl and removed his cape. She was momentarily confused until he wrapped them around her shoulders. “Keep this, then. To keep you out of the rain on your walk to your ship.”

“Thank you.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around herself. She leaned against his chest and he held her there. Even over the rain, she could hear his heartbeat. They held each other for few moments in silence before she broke their reverie.

“I’m not ready for this, Ben.” Rey admitted.

“Believe me when I say I don’t want to leave you.” Ben implored.

“At least tell me how you feel about me. Say it. Say it!” She challenged him, looking up at his face as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. 

“I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve to tell you. Not yet.” His tone was firm, almost clinical. This infuriated her. She could do nothing but weep in his arms and pound weakly on his chest. Eventually, she calmed herself and they just stood there in the rain, entangled in a tight embrace.

“I knew this would happen...that we would have to leave. But it doesn’t make this any easier. It still hurts so much, Ben.” Stars, she had so much passion. So much uncertainty. So much fear. He had to leave, and soon, for fear of the Dark Side influencing her any further. 

“I want nothing more in the whole galaxy than to be by your side. But I have work that needs to be done first. We both do.” He insisted as he cupped her cheek.

“Yeah, a kriffing war!” She shouted and ripped out of his hold. She stormed off a few paces before he called after her.

“Rey...”

“Go on, then!” She barked as she rounded on him and pointed her finger to the sky. “Go back to the First Order. Go be Supreme Leader. Go be Kylo Ren!” Her tears flowed down her cheeks, lost to the rain, as she spit these words angrily at him. He had had enough though, because this was breaking his heart, too. He crossed the space between them and loomed over her, gripping her arms firmly in his broad hands.

“Rey, listen to me. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.”

It wasn’t until he leaned down and kissed her goodbye that she remembered she had heard those very same words in a dream long ago. A dream that inspired hope of one day being loved.

_Maker, was it him all along?_

Before Rey could consider an answer, Ben very reluctantly pulled away from the kiss. She could feel it in him now, too. The anger bubbling up within over how unfair this was turning out to be. He bottled it down as best he could, for both their sakes. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against hers, breathed her air one last time before he had to board the Whisper.

Inexplicably, she suddenly found calm. Peace. She knew he spoke true and she knew they would be together again one day. He would come back for her. She just knew it.

His hands slipped from her arms then and she let him go. Light and logic finally won out in her. In order for them to be together, a lot needed to happen first. He had to earn the name Ben Solo back and she was only part of that journey for him. 

Leia had been right about him all along, Rey mused. There was still light in him but he would have to come home in his own terms. It was this notion alone that kept her sane, as she watched him board his ship. She pulled the cowl up over her head. It was warm and smelled like him, spicy and metallic. She found a small comfort in that. 

The TIE Whisper rose into the heavy clouds, quickly out of sight and gone. The man she loved would be half a galaxy away from her again before long. But she knew she would see him in her dreams again soon.

—


End file.
